it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
