I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize