ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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