weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Randomize
