never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
