when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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