My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
