He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
We have started to decorate penises.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
