Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Randomize
