you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
