Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
