I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
sarcasm needs its own font
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
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