the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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