you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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