Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
