no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
