You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
