I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
