I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
