Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
