the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Alive.
So much puke
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize