There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
