I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
