so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Randomize
