i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
