8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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