just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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