Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
