You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Randomize
