you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
We're too hungover to prance.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
