plz talk dirty to me
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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