your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
