Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
