in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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