ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
