had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
