At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I looked at my own cervix.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
