I'm gonna have a badass scar
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
