Duck Duck Cougar?
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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