got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
