dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
