im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
