Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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