ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
