Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
