Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize