I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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