I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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