quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Randomize