you're like a bully in the Christmas story
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
