they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Randomize
