i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
