I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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