I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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