I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
My cat gives me a boner
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
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