Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Randomize
