the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
