why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
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