and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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