i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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