hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
