final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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