somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
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