You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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