2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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