This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
