im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
