You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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