Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
