I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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