??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
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