What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
high people should be assigned attendants
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
