i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
