after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
