the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Randomize
